I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
