Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
