I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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