franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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