You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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