waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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