Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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