Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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