he wants to bone in the snuggie
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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