I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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