she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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