I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
