8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
