Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
