my mouth tastes like poor choices
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.