went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Shame is for Republicans.
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