i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize