Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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