Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
