i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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