when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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