after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize