Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
