I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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