i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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