i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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