The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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