life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
