I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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