Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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