32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize