She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize