Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
