Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
