And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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