hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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