if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
