When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
