He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
