Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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