I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
