i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want her autograph on my taint
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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