don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
