i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
