Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
