Will you blow on my dice?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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