he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
