he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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