I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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