I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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