Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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