In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
