Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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