the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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