i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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