Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
