OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
