i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
