Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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